


You are(were) love(d)

by Moonie_mars



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Feelings, I'm Sorry, Losing Someone, Other, Sad, Soobin centric, just read it, sorry everybody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 14:38:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18368072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonie_mars/pseuds/Moonie_mars
Summary: It felt like flying, like when you were little and you let go of the swing when you were at the top.It felt like flaying, just to crash down.





	You are(were) love(d)

**Author's Note:**

> An inside of how it feels to drown when your feet are planted on earth.  
> 

Everyone in their lives have one memory of utterly unexplainable panic, terror, pain even. Like that time when you were little and you lost your parent’s, when you let go of the swing when you were going full force, and you felt like flying, just to crash down to earth in a blink; that one time you did look where you were going when you were riding a bike and suddenly it felt like the floor had disappeared from under your feet, and the force send you flying to the ground again, the floor opening wounds on you skin and purple and blue spots were painted all over you.

Soobin felt like he was flying, yet he could see the floor, the knowledge of the crashing was preeminent, he could already feel parts of himself broking, the crash itself wasn’t scary at all, but knowing he would do hurt, God it hurt like no other thing in the world. His phone which he had been using to talk to one of the managers had fallen from his hand, but the sound of the object hitting the floor didn’t really registered in his mind, oh no he was far too gone for that.

It felt like rushing, the sound of the air covering his ears, his senses, and suddenly a noise, aloud noise, a voice, someone, someone was crying, someone was screaming, he was screaming, his breath coming out of his mouth with the noise, his air leaving his lungs, bit it wasn’t his air, it wasn’t his to keep. The crash was coming faster, registering on his mind slowly because just seconds ago he was flying, up high in the sky, the force in his body leaving him, and everything moved, as if he was being pulled, as if the ground had asked his body to fall down. He did feel it, not a thing, not even when his knees made a dry noise at coming in touch rather unlovingly with the ground.

No, the seconds felt like gum, stretching and stretching, over and over until they broke, now the crash was coming closer which each breath, with each part of himself broking and falling away.

Tears were soon running down his face, down his cheeks, down his face, some getting into his mouth feeling his senses with the taste of pain, the taste of fear, of panic, of uncontrollability, he was drowning, deep, deep down, even when he was in the surface, the crash was prominent, coming closer and closer, he could taste it, feel it, and he fell, another cry another sound of a broken heart another call for help, for mercy, for a God he didn’t even believed in, a call for anything or anyone who could change what had just happened without him knowing.

Pressure, on his head on his chest on his hands, pressure, pain, dark and numbing pain, one that if you were lucky enough, you wouldn’t experience it until you were older, knowing, prepared. Yet life had decided this time for him to know it before the others, for him to carry around the knowledge of feeling life stabbing you in the front while it’s cold eyes looked at you and said that you weren’t special to feel it, that you had to move on the line and keep up with everyone else because nothing was going to let you scape the reality and let you rest, no, that wasn’t a option.

He couldn’t breath, he was drowning, he felt like drowning, and the screams and cries that left his mouth made an impact. Someone, someone had come, hands, warm hands on him, on his back on his face, but he couldn’t see, the ocean of grief blurred his eyes like fog, he couldn’t see, he couldn’t move, he couldn’t do anything about nothing anymore.

Someone was burning him, burning him from the inside, a flame, burning like ice, swallowing his vitality, his force, his will, he was like a candle, melting away from life, from everything, the flame soon creating a hole in his chest sucking his life away to keep burning.  
Noise, another noise, more noises, voices that weren’t his own, yet he was still screaming, still crying and his chest felt like imploding. As if all the air in the world wasn’t enough for him to feel like he could function again, “-obin, Soobin! Soobin!” Yeonjun, Yeonjun was the first to get out of their room, scared and panicked, the hair on his neck standing up at hearing the cries, Soobin was on the floor he was crying, Yeonjun couldn’t understand why, and in seconds the others were up to.

Yeonjun was tee first this he saw, his panicked dark eyes that were still puffy from sleeping, the panic on his face, and Soobin couldn’t understand how the older looked so troubled yet was still in the ignorant bliss he was taken out of just a seconds before, he didn’t know, the others didn’t know, and Soobin couldn’t actually feel more grief than the one he was feeling already, so the words that left his lips didn’t actually felt like true.  
They didn’t feel like anything, he couldn’t hear them, he couldn’t taste them, yet he knew, that between his broken sobs the message got trough, and soon their were all drowning, all crying, someone was screaming too, someone was yelling, apparently they had found his phone and now where talking to the manager, Soobin didn’t register any of it.

He was lost he felt empty, and maybe if someone had hit him straight in his chest with a baseball bat he would feel a whole lot better than in that moment, it was in those seconds that he learned why physical pain wasn’t as feared and emotional, it was nothing. Nothing compared to the absolutely energy absorbing grief he felt, he didn’t know what happened next, he didn’t know what the others did or if they stayed with him, he didn’t know if someone left, and maybe in a bother world, in another place, he would have felt bad and would’ve tried to be the leader others expected him to be, but he couldn’t, not really, not today, maybe not even never, never again.

He could feel his memories sleeping away, breaking under the light of knowing that from then on, the person who had been in there would be nothing but a memory a thing he couldn’t always remember but never relive, no, after all dead people couldn’t come back from where they had gone, he could feel the rough edges of reality stealing away the person’s moments, the smiles the laughs, the sound of their breathing, their scent, and he could feel life breaking them, transforming them in memories, fading them from the world, taking away the is, of it all to transform it into was.

He couldn’t see past those moments, he couldn’t feel past those moments, he could just close his eyes and hope to darkness never letting him open them again.  
He could only hope for all to end, to the night to never end, for the sun to disappear and for everything to stop, yet he knew life wouldn’t be as forgiving as it took his everything away.

 

×××

 

Seoul hospital – 3:40 am 

The patient died at 3:27, April 22, on the ambulance taking him to the hospital after being run over by a car in the centre of the city, it was a hit an run situation, his lungs collapsed, soon his heart followed.

Name: Kai Kamal Huening

Age: 17

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry.


End file.
